I am back

I am so back. Back to the Gym. I know not this is no epic event in the history of human kind but it's a big deal for me. And luckily, this blog is about me so I get to go on about the awesomeness of being back. It is so many things that make going to the gym one of the best thing anyone, particularly an almost thirty woman that just had her first baby, can do for herself. Before I even get into the amateur assessment of all the physiological benefits, let's not forget the gift of time that going to gym gives us. I don't mean that if you exercise you live longer, I mean the precious one hour alone, sometimes even an hour an a half depending on how far you havwe to drive to get to the gym. Oh what a treat that is. Not that I don't love my family, I do, of course. But it is amazing how much more I love them after minimum of an hour away from them! Now, the second best thing which is huge for me is the enormous  and immediate relief from equally enormous feeling of guilt I have felt every single day for the last year that I did not go to the gym. Except for those two weeks I had a free pass. Guilt is an ugly destructive feeling that robs you of all and any dignity and self worth and if doing 12 counts of the frog stand full body lifts makes it go away so be it.
Then, of course there is an amazing feeling of the burn all over your but and shoulders and legs and other areas where you forgot you did have muscles. The more it burns, the hotter I feel. That's a law. I feel healthy, I feel alive and even a little skinnier than earlier today. It's a good thing to do for yourself and no one else; it's a commitment to love and take care of your body and that is the only way it's going to work. Take care of yourself for yourself.

Eat, Pray, Love Revolution

Even before I read the book, saw the movie or even knew that Julia Roberts is involved I was sold by the title. Minus the Pray part, everything else cried out to me and grabbed my attention. I knew it was written by a woman. It had to be. I am not a huge proponent of gender stereotyping but, common, that is an estrogen infused title. Elizabeth Gilbert is my new role model. I am officially planning to be her when I grow up, which is hopefully any day now.

I promised myself I would not see the film until I read the book. Much like most of my promises to myself, this one promptly fell by the wayside. Damn redboxes everywhere with Julia and Javier staring ever so seductively at me from the DVD cover. I saw it and it was fabulous. Just glorious. So refreshing to see a) that some women are just as (or even more!) messed up in the head as me and b) that there are people who actually embark of the fascinating journey of inner self-discovery and pursuit their dreams vs. just talk/blog about it in like some other people. And: Javier is damn easy on the eyes.

Really, nothing short of greatness is bound to emerge when phenomenal acting is planted into even more phenomenal writing. Plus there is food fetish throughout most of the film. I am talking hard core authentic Italian carbs, not just some "skinny-sugar-free-not-fat culinary concoction". I am convinced the book was written for me and if an author can make a reader feel that way, that's a damn good writer. There is so much to relate to in this film for - I guess - every woman: divorce, midlife crisis, really bad dating, muffin top, and emotional restlessness. I am starting the book tonight. There is so much to discover in the book compared to the movie. It's like going on a real in person date after seeing a picture and a profile online. I am going on a real date with Liz in Eat, Pray, Love tonight. It's looking like a keeper. I'll keep you posted.

Weekend Gone

I understand that there is absolutely no one in the world who actually truly cares how my  long Turkey weekend was. Especially the people that will ask me tomorrow about my weekend; as a matter of fact I am convinced they care the least. However, I am going to write about it anyway. It was a bad weekend. I wrote nothing other this this pitiful bit about my bad weekend. I was sick most of the time, got in a fight with my mother (standard for a holiday weekend I must say so it that disaster was already "penciled in"), and wasted lots of time that could have been spent more productively. I was particularly upset that because I did not have much of a voice due to being sick my performance during the said fight was not as dramatic and spectacular as it could have. Oh well.
I am curious though what would have I done if I was any wiser and more self-disciplined? Hm, the "perfect-me-wanna-be" would have definitely written a draft for a short story, I have an amazing idea and wrote out bits of those ideas on napkins at restaurants while waiting for my food. What else? Gym, absolutely. I am going for sure starting next week. Organize my shoes. Email back to my friends. Read something. Sleep more. Eat less.
But, the weekend was what it was and at the end of the day on this Sunday I am grateful. The turkey was good, my daughter is healthy, my boyfriend is sweet, my mom...is my mom and I am still writing after all for that I am thankful. Happy Thanksgiving.

Living up to the commitment

As my eyes roam around aimlessly in search of something to use a focal point for today's writing quota, I think about the most popular advice those who made it big in writing give to those who aspire: write, write, write. Write about anything: what you had for breakfast, the traffic you sat in on the way to work, the stupid annoying fat guy at work who sits in the cubicle next to you...  My breakfast is a hit and miss and today it was none-existent; traffic is nothing noteworthy and I really ought to stay away from writing about work. Liability and all. I do have something moderately interesting to share, a self-observation of sorts. A lot can be determined about a person based on where that person shops. Last weekend I visited the Home Goods Store, a place that as recently as about three years ago I looked down at as a discount paradise for stay at home moms. Nonetheless, even though not the stay at home kind, I am a mom with a year-old baby, a house an SUV, a job, an unfulfilled dream of being a writer, and lots of other baggage. So, yet again I had a need for yet another baking pan and my fate took me to the Home Goods Store. I got the said goods along with a colorful "a-la modern" looking apron. Last time I was this excited was when I discovered the existence of Hissyfits. A cool apron is hard to come by. Not an easy find I tell you, I dare you to disprove this statement. It is amazing how happy it made me to find just the right one. It is another goal accomplished. It is a small goal but small goals have utmost significance in our lives. I have figured out that if you make enough of these cute seemingly important little goals, one day you will feel like there is a wall of comfort that you've build around yourself with these little "goal-itas" and if you work really hard hopefully your wall is high enough for it to block the sight of the big goal you once had.

will someone anyone please make me write

I want to. Really badly. So badly I am even starting this blog. Took classes about writing,  read books about writing, I think about writing all the time. What have not done is the actual writing. Don't jump to the obvious conclusion and tell me to just do you. I have written a lot in my life but what I am talking about is finding that power within myself to commit to writing every day. Let's start small, not talking a book signing deal here, just make me write a little bit every day. Make me commit to what I truly feel my passion is. With the exception of life threatening emergencies for myself and/or my family, I pledge to post to this blog every day in hopes to reach those who feel the same desperation and have perhaps found the way out of this emotional laziness. Or perhaps reach those who feel a bit sadistic and have experience in helping talented but lazy bums such as myself to find a way towards creative self fulfilment. I will post every day either about the progress of my writing or me whining about the lack of thereof.

Make me write

AK

Today is the day